The Struggle is Real
Hello beautiful mommies and daddies! Greetings of the day…!
Do these sound familiar?
“Mommy, I don’t want to go to school today, please.”
“Mommy, I think I’m sick.”
“Mommy, my teacher scolds me—I don’t like going to school.”
Welcome to the morning chaos of getting kids ready for school. If you’re a parent, you’ve probably faced this situation at least once, if not countless times. As a mother, I sometimes find myself doubting my own judgment when my son presents his case so convincingly, often with tears and persistent nagging. Could his teacher really be that strict? Am I ignoring a genuine concern? Or is this just another clever tactic to stay home?
Over the past couple of months, my toddler has had several morning meltdowns about going to school. Each time, I have to decipher whether it’s a real issue or just a phase. I started reflecting on my own childhood and whether I pulled the same tricks.
A Personal Flashback
Growing up, my sister and I took the school bus together. If we were ever even two minutes late, we would race to the next pickup point to avoid missing it. But I clearly remember one day when my sister was sick, and my mother told me she wouldn’t be going to school. That’s when panic set in—I couldn’t imagine sitting alone for 45 minutes on the bus without her.
I threw a mini-protest—took off my shoes, dropped my bag, and declared that if my sister wasn’t going, neither was I! My mom, of course, wasn’t having it. She calmly convinced me that everything was okay and made me go. I cried on the way, but once I got to school, everything was normal again. That memory stuck with me, and now, as a parent, I realize how clever my mom was in handling the situation.
Breaking Down My Son’s Tantrums
Fast forward to today, my son’s resistance to school had me overanalyzing everything. Could it be fear? Bullying? A teacher’s behavior? He’s in Montessori school, surrounded by mostly younger kids, so bullying wasn’t a likely reason. He never mentioned a specific problematic classmate either.
One evening, I decided to address the issue head-on in front of his teacher, simply to observe how she would react and whether it might shed some light on the situation. I casually asked
“How was school, today? — “It was great Mumma”
“Did you have fun? — “yes, we played outside” in his excited tone
“Will you cry tomorrow morning?” — “Nope.”
His teacher even joined the conversation, and everything seemed fine. But guess what happened the next morning?
Another meltdown, “Mommy, my teacher scolds me. I don’t want to go!”
That’s when I knew—I had to think outside the box to manage these morning battles.
A Trick from F.R.I.E.N.D.S (Yes, the TV Show!)
One of my favorite sitcoms, F.R.I.E.N.D.S, inspired me with a technique: Distract and Redirect. Instead of arguing or scolding him, I hugged him and pretended I couldn’t understand him through his tears.
“Okay, first calm down so I can hear you properly,” I said.
His sobs slowed down immediately. Once he was quiet, I asked:
“Are you sure you don’t want to go?”
“Yes”, he affirmed.
Then I laid out the reality:
“I have to go to work. Daddy has to go to work. Your sister will be with the nanny. What will you do at home?”
“Will you be with nanny?”
“No, I don’t like her either”
“You know, you cant be alone. So what do you plan to do whole day? As television will also not work.”
Here goes, his dream of watching his favorite carton down the lane.
“But but… I can stay with nanny and play by myself.”
Smart answer! But I continued,
“That’s fine. But first, let’s brush your teeth and change clothes, or else the nanny will think you’re a stinky little boy. Do you want that?”
“No, I’ll brush!”
As he brushed, I casually talked about his school friends, asking him about their names and activities. By the time he was dressed, his mind had shifted. Now he was sharing his own complaints and stories. Finally saw him getting excited.
Then, I sealed the deal:
“Oh, look! Today’s breakfast at school is so yummy. I love it as a meal. But since you’re staying home, never mind…”
Boom! His fear of missing out kicked in.
“Mumma, I have to go! Hurry up, we’re late!”
And just like that, he was out the door with a smile. Never questioned him what changed, why he cried earlier nothing on the way to school, as it might bring him back to sobbing phase.
Tried-and-Tested Strategies to Tackle School Tantrums
Sometimes, morning tantrums are not about fear or dislike—they’re just kids being kids. The trick is to redirect their attention toward something positive:
- Healthy Competition:
- In my case, since my husband typically drops the kids off at school, I motivate them to get ready by saying things like, “Let’s see who gets ready first— Daddy or you!”
- Positive Reinforcement:
- Talk about exciting activities at school (outdoor play, favorite meals, art projects). Bring up friends, for example “Your best friend was asking about you!”
- Reverse Counting:
- I encourage my toddler to look forward to the weekend by saying, “Only 4 more days of school, then the weekend! Just one more after today!”—this works especially well on Thursdays and Fridays.
- The “Soft Approach”: (specially for Monday’s as the anxiety to leave home after two days kicks in).
- Hug them, acknowledge their feelings, and say, “I understand you. Let’s talk.”
- Wake Up to Music: Play their favorite upbeat music in the morning to set a positive tone
- You could even let them pick a “wake-up song” the night before. Music can lift their mood and make the transition to the day easier. I usually play their favorite playlist that they listen while driving.
- Avoid Bribing & Threatening: (these are short-term fixes but leave long term impacts.)
- Morning Bribes (toys, candies)
- Saying, “I’ll be sad if you don’t go” can make kids feel guilty instead of motivated.
- Using a “bad cop” parent to enforce rules can backfire, making the child resentful.
A Final Thought: Parents Are the Biggest Influence
It’s easy to blame school, teachers, or TV for our child’s behavior. But 90% of their habits come from us—our reactions, words, and strategies shape them. Think of them as wet clay, molding based on our influence.
As a parent, you know what your child enjoys, so try redirecting their thoughts toward the things they look forward to. So next time your child throws a tantrum, pause and breathe. Instead of starting with “Why are you crying?”, try “I understand you.” Believe me when I say that “Why” will never give you true or helpful answers (I’ll explain why it’s not the best approach another time). Instead, paint a positive picture and watch the magic happen.
Over time, this will become a short-term habit, and they’ll be excited for the next day or a few weeks. However, don’t be discouraged if they return to old habits of nagging or crying. Yes, kids quickly forget motivation—but repetition is key. Whether it’s nursery rhymes, the alphabet, soccer coaching or getting out of bed, everything needs reinforcement.
Share Your Story!
Have you dealt with morning tantrums? What worked for you? Share your experience in the comments!
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